Couples Counseling & Relationship Skills
PAIRS = Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills
Facilitated by Debra Greene, PhD
Personalized, professionally facilitated sessions designed to meet your needs, Debra guides you in easy-to-use, yet powerful, PAIRS tools that deepen understanding, turn conflict into connection, and enhance intimacy.
Lenny and Sarah share their story.
Debra teaches what you need for your relationship!
Debra helps you safely and easily work through your difficult situation (trust issues, anger issues, conflicts, not being heard, problem-solving, forgiveness, letting go of the past, etc.) by using the PAIRS tools. As you use the tools to resolve your situation you experience their transformative effects. Debra’s goal is to empower you with the skills and tools necessary so you don’t need her for long!
Research shows you can cut your chance of divorce in half just by learning relationship skills. Most marriages suffer only because couples never learned the skills necessary to sustain a loving relationship. PAIRS tools are proven to improve your relationship. Debra facilitates in a relaxed and safe way making significant progress easy for you.
LOVE is the best medicine! As Dr. Dean Ornish says, “I am not aware of any other factor in medicine that has a greater impact on our survival than the healing power of love and intimacy. Not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery.
What is counseling with Debra going to do for us?
Couples are held together because of invisible bonds. The energies of attraction and beliefs, of love, commitment, and sexual pleasure are powerful unifying forces. Emotions are energies too and nowhere are they more intense than in intimate relationship. Yet sometimes these same energies break couples apart. I will help you work with them in a way that sustains and enhances your relationship.
Communication is the “glue” that determines the longevity of these bonds, and couples communication is a unique and beautiful thing. I love working with couples to help you navigate the intricacies of intimate relationship. I focus primarily on Communication Skills, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Literacy, Self-Awareness and Relationship Skills.
I address issues such as what to do when your partner withdraws, how to deal with anger in a healthy way, how to maintain closeness, how to communicate about stressful topics, tools for trust building, how to problem-solve, how to resolve ongoing issues, and more.
This is NOT therapy
What if you could go to school instead of to a therapist? That’s the idea behind Marriage Education. “It’s less expensive and more effective than therapy,”The therapy model is ‘I’ll treat you, and, voila, your marriage will work.’ The education model is much more respectful. It assumes there’s nothing wrong with you–you’re not sick. You just need better information, and it assumes you can apply it to your situation. It’s also not a long-term process.” says Diane Sollee, who gave up her marriage-therapy career to create the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education. (Time Magazine, Jan. 19, 2004)
Diving into childhood trauma is usually not part of this process. As a psychologist Dr. Wade Horn emphasizes, learning communication skills is not therapy, which often lasts longer and costs more. ”Marriage education is very skills-focused, with problem solving, negotiation, communication. Somebody who goes into marriage education is unlikely to talk about childhood traumas.” They are more likely to have homework and a series of sessions with instruction and practice, Horn says. “There’s a lot of research that shows what separates healthy marriages from unhealthy ones is not the frequency of conflict but the way the couple manages conflict,” Dr. Horn says. “The good news is we can teach conflict resolution skills.” (USA Today, Feb. 5, 2004)
Lately, a new breed of therapist and “marriage educator” is shaking up the profession. These educators reject the passive, old-style therapies that emphasize personal growth over shared commitment and take a more aggressive, hands-around-the-neck approach to saving marriages. “They feel therapists have been too quick in calling an end to relationships and having people move on,” says University of Chicago sociology professor Linda Waite. The new breed advocates skill training and early intervention in problems. “It’s like a vaccination,” says Waite, “instead of having to do surgery when something goes wrong.”
Who would benefit from working with Debra?
If you are open to learning new ways to interact with your partner Debra can help you work through the issues that are getting in the way. The PAIRS tools are miraculous for resolving relationship issues and problems quickly and easily. They also strengthen the reason you came together in the first place: to connect in love. By applying the tools you will have a renewed appreciation for the amazing bond you and your partner have.
Debra enjoys working with men and women of any age, race, ethnicity, spiritual, or sexual orientation who are at any stage of relationship.
She can help you to:
Sustain a loving and healthy relationship
Improve an unsatisfying relationship
Discover the causes of disappointment
Avoid mistakes made in previous relationships
Enhance your ability to create a joyful, fulfilling future with a partner
Assist others in strengthening their relationships
The PAIRS tools are for you if you are:
Starting a New Relationship
How will working with Debra improve my relationship?
Debra expertly guides you in easy-to-use, yet powerful tools that deepen understanding, turn conflict into connection, and lead to enhanced intimacy. By reestablishing your connection, through healthy constructive communication, intimacy and passion reawaken.
The biggest culprit is lack of communication. Everyone knows that, but what do you do about it? Expressing your wants and needs and, more important, listening to your partner, are learned skills. “You have to stay attached (through communication) through all the crud that goes on in life,” says Gregg Gorman, a psychotherapist who specializes in relationship building and rescue. “Most affairs are because people have detached,” he says, not because of sex. (The Denver Post, April, 2004)
It’s never too late to learn! PAIRS is a nationally acclaimed program with proven results.
Will my relationship experience immediate results?
You bet! In fact, if you are not satisfied with the first session, you don’t have to pay me! That’s how confident I am that I can help you.
“I got more out of two sessions with Debra and PAIRS than a year of couples therapy as far as learning how to resolve conflict and how my relationship can continue to grow in intimacy. WELL worth the time and money!”
What do other couples say about Debra?
Debra consistently receives superior evaluations (90+) from her clients and workshop participants.
Here are testimonials from her clients/PAIRS course participants:
“Debra is animated, energetic, informed and highly able to facilitate. She is extremely well prepared and knowledgeable and yet is playful and open.”
“We’re about to celebrate our one-year wedding anniversary, after taking your workshop while engaged, and have used the tools we learned with you many times. I just wanted to say Thank You for helping us establish our absolutely incredible marriage so firmly. The world needs more people doing the sort of work you do.”
“Debra is totally knowledgeable, giving and sharing from the heart, from her own “live” in-the-moment experience. She is empathetic, encouraging, real, and includes humor to lighten things up–good pace.”
“I got more out of the two days of PAIRS than a year of couples therapy as far as learning how to resolve conflict and how my relationship can continue to grow into intimacy. WELL worth the time and money!”
“Debra is very professional, knowledgeable, fun, light hearted and sincerely caring.”
“PAIRS brings a sense of peace and harmony to the partners and the family. By using the tools, each family member feels heard, respected, and loved. Conflicts are resolved.”
“Debra is a warm, funny, clear, sensitive, knowledgeable living example of PAIRS”
“This is relationships 101. Wouldn’t it have been great to have taken it in high school? It’s not too late.”
“Debra is outstanding, warm, caring, direct, competent, and focused.”
“This is what we’ve been looking for for 15 years.”
“I appreciated Debra’s openness in sharing her own experiences.”
“The PAIRS program is a highly comprehensive, powerful system of resolution and maintenance in relationships. Even in emotionally charged situations there are effective tools for swift solution.”
Why is Debra the best facilitator for this?
Debra has been facilitating conscious communication all of her adult life. She has over 25 years of teaching experience in communication and 18 years experience working with couples in private practice and workshops.
This includes teaching in conventional institutions such as the University of Kansas, the University of Hawaii, and Ohio State University, as well as more alternative schools such as Esalen Institute and the Graduate School for Holistic Studies at John F. Kennedy University.
In addition to teaching and counseling, Debra has presented her work at national conferences and has facilitated hundreds of workshops for various organizations. These include the National Communication Association (NCA), the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology (ITP), the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP), and the American Institute of Stress (AIS), among others.
Debra is dedicated to living what she teaches. She first learned of the PAIRS program by completing the four month long semester course. She was so inspired by the curriculum, tools and skills that she traveled to the PAIRS Foundation for training and became a certified PAIRS facilitator in 2000.
Debra has an undergraduate degree in Communication, a Master’s in Intercultural Communication (University of Kansas) and a dual PhD (Ohio State University) in Communication and Somatic Studies (Body-Mind Integration). As you can tell, Debra is passionate about communication!
Still, despite all of her formal studies and teaching, it wasn’t until discovering the PAIRS program that she felt like she had finally arrived. This really is a tribute to PAIRS.
Debra is a dynamic and engaging facilitator who brings humor and heart to working with couples. She is the author of the acclaimed book, Endless Energy: The Essential Guide to Energy Health, and founder of Inner Clarity (IC), a holistic energy balancing method. She teaches seminars, trainings, workshops, and offers private sessions at the Four Seasons Resort on Maui, where she lives. Phone/Skype sessions are available worldwide.